Sometimes I think if my daughter ever talked to me like I had talked to my parents I would be so mad. Then I think, no, if my daughter talked to me like I had talked to my parents I would stop and ask her what was wrong and not ignore her or laugh at her or say it was just a phase.

When Forever Ends

I hate titles. I can never figure out what to call things. There is so much meaning to a great title that most of us will only grasp facets. Even decent titles make sense. I can’t even do that much. So this afternoon I came up with this line “when forever ends” And thought it was a great start to a poem. Then I realized it was a title without a story.

As of right now I don’t have a novel. I have a bunch of character traits wandering around half dressed in the forest. But at least they have a bitchin airship

So you know how pinterest gives recommendations and you can click on the X and say why don’t you like this? Most of the time I wish there was a “because this is really dumb” option. But then I realize the suggestions are based on my pins so that is what pinterest thinks of me. Pinterest thinks I am really dumb

I have reached the point where I think the boldest choice for a Shakespeare production is just to do it straight and not place it in some different time or place. Or even better streamline it and worry about the text more than the setting.

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN 4 EASY STEPS

aaronbleyaert:

I’ve spent the past year losing 80 lbs and getting in shape. A lot of people have been asking me how I did it; specifics like what diet I was on, how many times a week I worked out, etc etc. So I thought I’d just answer everyone’s questions by giving you guys step by step instructions on how you can achieve everything I have… IN JUST 4 EASY STEPS! Ready? Here we go!!!

1.) NO BEER
This is a big one, and one that you’ve probably heard before. Every time you drink a beer, it’s like eating seven slices of bread. That’s a lot of bread!

2.) PORTION CONTROL
This is especially true when you go out to eat at restaurants. A good trick to do is when your meal comes, cut it in half and right away ask for a takeout container, so that you can save the rest for later - and even better, if you start your meal out right by ordering lean meats and veggies, you’ll slim down in no time!

3.) HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN
And not just broken; shattered. Into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces, by a girl who never loved you and never will. Join the gym at your work. Start going to the gym regularly, and even though you don’t know that much about exercise and you’re way too weak to do pretty much anything but lift 5 lb weights and use the elliptical machines with the old people, do it until your sweat makes a puddle on the floor. Then go home and go to bed early and the next day do it again. And then again. And then again.

Listen to stories of your ex-girlfriend fucking around with gross and terrible people, stories from your friends who think they are doing you a favor. Go to the gym and make more puddles of sweat. Buy books. Learn about different muscle groups and how they work together. Start eating healthy. Learn about nutrition. Plan out your week of meals. Try to forget her.

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Greatest thing ever

So the other night my child was making up a story and invented a cross between a wombat and a koala. With no prompting from me she named it a kolmbat! (My spelling but I like the l m combo)